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There was once a young boy named MrHardbody201 who lived a very saddening life. Abandoned by his parents at the age of three, MrHardbody201 was raised by his two evil aunts. With the appearance of witches and the voices of Pee Wee Herman, MrHardbody201 was naturally intimated and turned on by these hags. One day, while walking to school, barefooted in 15 inches of snow, MrHardbody201 got his first erection.
"Manhood, finally! Blast those dreaded parents of mine, which left me within my own personal hell, like a sinning peasant upon rapture", he proclaimed.
Why the erection? His very first crush whom he has loved since the grade of 8th, Clipperaholic. Clipperaholic was the prettiest girl in class, with curly golden locks that seemed to bounce forever, quite similar to the testicles of MrHardbody201 upon droppage.
"The bosom of thy maiden must nestle thou's breath," MrHardbody201 said.
Clipperaholic had the luxury of a diamond dildo, passed through each generation, used by each lass in the bloodline for their first orgasm. A prophecy aged thousands of years old read that there would be one who could not reach climax from the family dildo, but would be penetrated and pleasured by the chosen one. Each before Clipperaholic had met the diamond dildo in a fashion that they were not disappointed, squirting in great length to be measured by the family servent, Footah.
Upon walking through the snow, MrHardbody201 was met by his class mate, KwakKwak.
"Fine day isn't it? MrHardbody201 asked."
"Always a fine day upon waking in a heave of dried horse shit, good sir" replied KwakKwak.
"Mmmyes."
The two walked for nearly thirty minutes before reaching the school, where their classmates had already arrived on the town's provided school bus. The bus driver, GiuceppeFranco had abolished MrHardbody201 and KwakKwak for raping the town retard on the way to class.
"Bloody maggots try to slip a feel on me brain dead lass shall ye?" GiuceppeFranco would commonly scream, even while sleeping. The abuse had gone to his head, causing nervous twitches and such.
On such day, dark clouds filled the horizon and the prophecy read by Footah to the parents of Clipperaholic brought forth the future which was set to cast on evil on the town for the following generations. It was Clipperaholic, the most beautiful maiden in all the land which broke the tradition, unable to feel the delight of the diamond dildo.
"Why her," father asked.
Footah replied, "The bitch is too greedy. Only needing the touch of a real man to finish the job."
"Then it's settled. Before this hussy ruins the land which we graze, each bloke within 50 miles must have a swing at her, until she squirts further than the last." Father was a fucking pervert.
So, as the clouds approached, lightning in sight and the winds picked up, each male took their turn, slamming and thrusting their way deep inside of Clipperaholic with no result. At last, the door slammed open and stood with a light so bright, Footah's head exploded were two men, KwakKwak and MrHardbody201.
"So the bloody whore can't get a lay worth moaning?" KwakKwak asked.
"Precisely," said father.
"A double penetration is eminent." KwakKwak removed his turtle neck and loafers, before dropping trousers and exposing his mutated and infected two inch penis.
"Negative," MrHardbody201 said before wrapping a cat piss soaked towel around the face of KwakKwak, causing him to pass out.
MrHardbody201 had been abused for years, but his destiny finally was clear. He would break the spell and guide the family into a new era. He would be the one to stuff the loose and sloppy hole of the princess Clipperaholic and become the savior. So he did. Doggy style, with three fingers in her anus, before exploding himself nearly 17 times... Then, the grounds shook, the lights flickered, windows shattered, more heads exploded.... The sounds of gushing water, like a levy had fallen, were heard.
"Oh....Oh shit!" MrHardbody201 was blasted against the wall from the power of Clipperaholics miracle orgasm. The land was saved! The savior had proven the prophecy correctly and all was saved... But.... against the wall lied MrHardbody201, unconscious, dead?
"Fuck him. I got a good lay but he is just a peasant," Clipperaholic selfishly said.
The prophecy was a joke anyway. I guess it was a rapture of some shit. Everyone died. THE END.
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Pathetic that I just wrote that. At least I'm tired now. Goodnight.
5/30/2011, 7:02 am
